It’s strange how the universe keeps teaching us the same thing again and again untill we learn. When you run behind something, you never get it. Stop chasing it and boom…it lands right in front of you!
If you’ve been a regular reader of my blog you’d know my struggle of the last three months where despite the odds I didn’t give up on hope. Hope that my relationship that was barely 9 months old then (it’s been an year now) and falling apart already, could be fixed. After 70 days of trying to reach my man I finally gave up. And 10 days later (today) he called.
We spoke, avoiding the elephant in the room. Somewhere between exchanging news about life and work, I mentioned I finally found a job (even though it’s temp) and he commented : “maybe I was the bad luck for you” ; suggesting that now he was out of my life good things were beginning to happen. It broke my heart to listen to those words 😔
I was silent. While words failed me, my heart ached to tell him he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I wanted to tell him that he’s still in my life even if I’m not part of his… I wanted to tell him I’m standing exactly where he left me. But I remained silent.
Silent cos I finally went numb dealing with the pain all by myself. Got tired waiting for him to share the pain, make it go away…I finally learned to lick my wounds and locked my heart away. I finally accepted I’m made to love but not loved back. Silent cos I was scared I might blurt out “B, I still love you”
We didn’t understand each other’s words and actions but I do hope our individual silence make love with each and not war.
Conversations; they make or break a relationship.